Reunited: The Importance of Good Relationships

January 11, 2015 by Christine Skari

There are a lot of reasons why I’m happy that I’m starting a fresh new quarter in college. A few weeks ago, I was overloaded with work, took too many challenging and time-intensive classes, and my best friend group was all torn up. Let’s just say I’m a little bitter at Ireland and Senegal for stealing Kelty and Tiana away from Lakshmi and I when they went to study abroad!

Even though we’ve all been back up in Santa Barbara for a little less than a week, it took us all till Friday to finally be fully reunited! I lived with these girlies all last year in a snug little apartment and we have a wonderful group dynamic. Even though we’re all extremely different in terms of personality, when you put us all together, we fit together like puzzle pieces and I always find myself having the most meaningful conversations, laughing the hardest, and feeling completely comfortable in my own skin when I’m with them.

I think we all have a tendency to think of “health” in terms of fitness and the foods we put into our bodies. Oftentimes we overlook the mental aspect of things and don’t consider that the conversations, positive vibes, and respect and love that we have with friends and family are just as important to our health, if not more. I cannot even begin to express the powerful positive influence these girls, and many of my other friends, have made on my life. From maintaining a positive body image, keeping an open mind and heart, finding my own self-confidence, and so much more, the people I surround myself with help me improve as a person on a daily basis.

I know it sounds like an oxymoron, but through my friends, I’ve found myself. And that’s how I think friendships should work. To me, they’re an incredible mixture of giving and receiving that involves sharing everyone’s best qualities in a way that leaves everyone involved bettered and continuously growing as individuals. What friendship should NOT be about is feeling used, belittled, judged, or like you need to put in energy and effort to please and satisfy someone who does not accept you as you are. In my opinion, you should not invest emotional energy into the those that are constantly putting you down, instead, you should work on building relationships with friends who lift you up and will, as cliche as it sounds, catch you when you fall. Good friends are ones that know you and your heart and come running to you with open arms- happy, accepting, and true. This extra sassy quote sums up my opinion on unhealthy relationships:

“Take me as I come, or watch me as I go.”

And yes, I’m actually this weird in person.

And since I don’t want to end this post with that embarrassing picture, I’m going to mention that, along with my other 2015 resolutions, I’m going to work on building even stronger bonds and relationships with all my favorite ladies and guy friends (and all my online bloggy buddies as well <3) and continue to let them influence me and challenge my current ways of thinking. 2015 is going to be a year of personal growth for me and I can’t wait to see what it brings!

Staying Healthy In College

November 17, 2014 by Christine Skari

College is, without a doubt, one of the most exciting times of your life.

New friends, new places, and new ways of thinking. You’re exposed to an entirely different way of life and it can be a bit overwhelming at first as you try to settle into your niche and start discovering who you are, all the while trying to keep up with school work and friends. Trust me, I’ve been there!

College is one of the biggest balancing acts you’ll ever go through and there are a bunch of different aspects that I could write pages and pages on, but today, I’m going to talk about health.

While we all are different, here are some of the things I’ve picked up during my time in college in terms of maintaining my own personal version of health:

1. Take a health/nutritional science class.

Most of us entering college are vulnerable when it comes to our self-confidence and knowledge of the world. I’d say the majority of the time we’re only exposed to one misleading face of health: thinness. It splatters the covers of magazines we see at the grocery store and subtly screams at us from actors in movies. We’re groomed and conditioned to associate a smaller body with health and fitness and beauty and being loved and sought after and NO.

Stop this way of thinking!

Open up your mind to the fact that health is so much more than your weight. You need to dissociate the two words of “skinny” and health from each other. Throw them from your mind and feel how liberating it is! Health classes give you a more holistic view of health and learning about things such as vitamins, cholesterol, bone density, mental well-being, and how the small things work together to bring about your definition of “health”. For me, taking a nutritional science class my freshman year helped keep me from falling into the trap of focusing on thinness as the main indicator of health and becoming obsessed with the pursuit of it,

2. Surround yourself with positive people who don’t judge or belittle you.

Don’t put up with people who don’t love you just the way you are. We all know those people who make you feel shitty about yourself, whether it be based on your body image, intelligence, religious views, etc. You don’t have time for them! Surround yourself with people who don’t put you down and who you genuinely like. College isn’t like high school. You aren’t trapped in a small bubble and friend group. When you get to college, you’re going to be surrounded by wonderful people who will become your best friends. My friend Kelty is a great example of this. She’s an absolute gem and I could go on and on about her fantastic qualities. Since I’m trying to keep it short, feel free to check out the guest post she did for me called “Never Merely Pretty”. You’ll instantly see what I mean. Love you, Kelt!

3. Find a workout body.

Working out doesn’t have to be a drag. Find a workout buddy and go explore new trails, play a sport, hit up the gym, etc. Have fun with it and start incorporating exercise with your daily life in an enjoyable way!

4. Don’t be intimidated to lift weights.

Friends. TRUST ME. No one cares if you’re sweaty and lifting heavy things.

I know a lot of girls get self-conscious when they’re in the weight room with big beefy guys who have muscles the size of friggin’ King Kong, but in all honestly, they probably don’t care if your hair is up in a messy ponytail or that you’re face is red from the badass cardio you just did. They’re too intent on their workout to notice you and don’t think anything of it. I’ve bench pressed/spotted with my enourmous 6’4 rowing friend, Ryan, before and no one even batted an eye, nor did he feel like it was weird. I repeat, NO ONE CARES.

Lifting weights in no way make you more “manly” or less feminine and it’s essential in helping you maintain a healthy bone density and improving your quality of life now and in the future. Go lift!

5. Fill up your dorm room/kitchen with healthy snacks!

Personally, I have a very out of sight, out of mind view when it comes to food. If I have healthy snack options surrounding me, I automatically go for them instead of stuffing my face with potato chips every night while I study. Here are some of my favorite snack foods:

6. Finally, health isn’t an all-or-nothing thing.

Yes, I exercise and eat right, but there are plenty of times where I don’t. Late night pizza with friends and eating straight out of pints of ice cream while watching Netflix occur regularly for me. I don’t workout when my body is tired and oftentimes, I skip the gym in favor of going out dancing and partying with my friends. It’s part of my college experience and I wouldn’t trade those times for the world. Your mental health and happiness is just as essential, if not more, than your physical health. Take care of yourself, but don’t restrict or confine yourself from living.

So there ya have it! Some quick and dirty tips that have made all the difference for me. Hope your week is going splendidly, loves!

Christine

A Guy’s Opinion on Body Dysmorphia & What He Finds Attractive In a Girl

July 12, 2013 by Christine Skari

Hey everyone! My name’s Kyle and, as some of you may have heard, I’m Christine’s boyfriend.

Some random things about me: I like playing tennis, camping, hiking, and going to the gym. I also have a barn in my backyard and love bigger dogs, like labs, golden retrievers, and german shepherds. Oh, and I’m currently working my way through the Harry Potter series. You may be wonder upon hearing that I haven’t yet read the Harry Potter books before “What have you been doing with your life???” but I’m working on them I promise! So there’s my auto-introduction haha. Additionally, I’m somewhat new to blogging, as in I’ve never posted a blog before nor been on a blog site other than Christine’s (which I saw for the first time very recently), so if at all possible, cut me some slack for my lack of blogging expertise.

Christine asked me to post about how guys perceive the way girls negatively pick apart their bodies and create somewhat distorted expectations and images of themselves. To start, let me say that I cannot possibly represent the entire male population on this subject, nor any other, and that I will simply be writing from my perspective, my ideas, and my observations.

So body image. It’s what people think of their body, right? I think it’s pretty safe to say that everyone prefers to have a positive idea and image of themselves. That can mean lots of things, as long as the individual is happy with him or herself. Body image insecurity definitely occurs among both guys and girls. I’m sure that all of us have experienced some sort of bodily insecurity before, I know I have. For example, when I’m at the gym and see Mr. Incredible in the middle of the floor benching 3 plates per side, aka a bazillion pounds (actually only 315lbs but might as well be a bazillion) and I look down at my measly 165lbs, I can’t help but feel a little self conscious.

Christine: Sorry, couldn’t help myself 😉 Source

Body image, however, is more well-known or discussed when it is in regards to girls (at least that’s what I’ve observed). With any case comes insecurities, self consciousness, and other not-so-good feelings.

Now, my perspective. Please don’t take this the wrong way but I think most guys will agree with me that girls are way too picky about their body images. There are so many things girls get in their heads about how they “have to look” in order to be attractive that guys either don’t agree with or don’t even notice. Look at a lot of super skinny actresses and models for example. A lot of them have to starve themselves to look how they do and risk their health in the process. While some girls are naturally thin and lean, don’t feel like you have to overexercise and not fuel your body to achieve that body shape; you’re beautiful just how you are.

That being said, guys do like it when girls take care of their bodies, workout, and try to stay healthy, I mean who wouldn’t appreciate someone who does that? That’s one of the things I find most attractive about Christine; she takes great care of her body and not just because of the aesthetic aspects, but also her long term health, which not only ensures that she’s going to live forever, but that she’s a total hottie! She also cares about my health and inspires me to eat better and take care of my body (That’s why she’s the best <3).

In my opinion, being dangerously underweight is something I consider eye-catching for the wrong reasons, especially when it negatively affects your health. A girl that Christine and I know fits into this category. She’s a really beautiful and nice person, but what girls do to themselves in the name of trying to change their body into what magazines say is beautiful almost makes me cringe sometimes.

Pea-Plate Source

Going more along with body shape, I can say with complete confidence that there is no particular shape that is “key” to attractiveness. And it really depends on what sort of look a girl is going for. Hot, pretty, cute, beautiful are all different categories of looks that guys think of when they see a girl. Guys may see girls as hot, but not necessarily beautiful, for example. You hear all these songs on the radio about the girls with the double D’s and the daisy dukes and stuff like that. That would be classified as hot, albeit an unrealistic expectation. Now, for me and a lot of other guys I know, “hot” doesn’t always translate to “attractive”. An example would be another girl that Christine and I are friends with that we both went to school with. She has a healthy body and happy self confidence about herself as well as being probably one of the sweetest and nicest girls you’ll ever meet, but she was one of the most attractive girls at our high school to every guy you’d ask. And what I mean when I say attractive is that if guys were asked who they would like to marry from our year they would almost all say it would be her.

What I’m trying to say with all this is that things such as embracing your body shape, a positive self-image, and being healthy, are prime examples of what I see as the most attractive factors of a girl.

So, back to the concept of girls negatively picking apart aspects of their bodies. This is always the result of some form of peer pressure. You may think “well what if a girl is simply uncomfortable with her body?” where does that insecurity come from? I see it as coming from the modern view of the definition of beauty and attractiveness. I strongly believe that girls are pressured from basically everything media related to look unrealistically slim and perpetually made up with makeup and fake tans. That seems to be a major, subliminal norm that is constantly around. I think that it’s awful, simple as that. Especially in ads and model shoots and those sorts of things, the girls are almost always photoshopped, look up some of the videos of the photoshopping process they go through. It’s absurd.

Source

Remember what I said before, hotness and appearing like a sex object does not imply attractiveness. An actress that I think is really attractive is the Girl on Fire from the hunger games, Jennifer Lawrence. She is a lot more natural/normal/healthy looking than most stars, she works hard for her roles and to get in shape for them, and she seems to have a great personality. In any interview I’ve seen with her she’s always so spontaneous, bubbly, and relatable. So Christine, while you have your celeb crush on Mr. Zack Efron I guess I can say mine is on Jennifer Lawrence (and that’s okay because I know you have a girl crush on her too haha).

Source

Now, going along more with the topic of attractiveness, something that I and every other guy in the world find very attractive in girls are a mildly-bubbly, easy-to-get-along with personality. Girls that are easy to talk to, somewhat outgoing, and confident, are magnets to basically any guy you will ever meet. Like, tons of bonus points to a girls attractiveness when she’s nice to talk to and easy to relate to and hold a conversation with.

In summary, please don’t let the modern peer pressure of unrealistic body images, especially ones involving being unnaturally slim or made-up, make you feel uncomfortable with yourself and your body. Know that most guys don’t even find a lot of those “peer pressured images” to be their definition of attractive. Also, remember that most guys put a pretty high value on a girls personality (I’m not sure how many of you feel like all guys are assholes and only care about girls being hot, but that’s not so much the case. If all the guys you know are actually like that then you need to meet more dudes). Guys love being able to comfortably hold a conversation with a girl and care about so many more things than your body shape.

Hope it helps all the female readers understand a guy’s perspective on the subject a bit more and to feel more comfortable with yourselves, as you all should!

-Kyle

Christine: I (and Kyle, he was nervous to write this and spent a lot of time on it!) would love to hear your thoughts about the subject matter.

Of possible interest: My post on Body Dysmorphia & Perfect Imperfection

Body Dysmorphia & Perfect Imperfection

June 30, 2013 by Christine Skari

Today I want to talk about something near and dear to my heart.

As a young women, I (and I’m sure many of you) am faced with an enormous amount of pressure to be perfect. Perfection in regards to education, public appearance, and, of course, my body. To be honest, I think that it’s unescapable to not feel self conscious about yourself in some aspects.

For example, I’ve never really liked my legs. I have my mom’s bulky calves and thighs that are 100% genetic (okay, soccer for 14 years probably helped a little). And I mean, really, if I stood next to my mom and you only saw are legs, you’d laugh. They’re identical.

That being said, I have a friend who has a very similar body to mine. The funny thing is, she has great, and I mean GREAT legs. I look at them and can’t help but think, “Wow! Her legs look so strong and toned”.

Even though I’ve been told many times that we both have the same lower body and I know my legs are similar to hers and think that hers are beautiful and empowering, a lot of the times I still see mine as nothing but big and beefy and wish for slim legs that go on for miles.

Body dysmorphia is a crazy, crazy thing.

These thoughts were brought up by some girls I know in college. A few of them have eating disorders and I’ve had to watch painfully as they hurt themselves from the self-destructive habits of someone suffering from an ED. They say that when they look in the mirror, they don’t see how thin they’ve gotten and can only concentrate on the fat on their body. They’re skin and bones, and they know they are too, but the demons of body dismorphia somehow manage to creep into their minds and convince them otherwise.

What’s especially scary for me is the fact that an eating disorder can strike anyone. There is no “defining” quality or trait that marks the people who have gotten/have an eating disorder and it seems able to strike anyone. It could have just as easily been me, and I find that terrifying.

I consider myself extremely blessed to not have been a victim of an ED.

The thing is, I don’t think I’m completely free from that threat. No girl is.

The pressure to be thin and perfect is so consuming and overwhelming at times that I can’t help but think that our culture and society, thought to be one of the most advanced in the world, is absolutely mad. I remember studying in a cultural anthropology class about different types of mental illnesses brought on by society that can be found throughout the world, and it really opened up my eyes to how odd the American obsession for an emaciated body really is. Just think about it from the perspective of a girl living in an third world country. She struggles daily to stay alive and provide for herself and for her family. A country where women and girls purposefully starve themselves, vomit up perfectly nutritious food and essentially ruin their good health must sound to them to be extremely and utterly insane.

For what do we do this?

I feel like we put ourselves under such unnecessary stress when we attempt to achieve perfection. Let’s be honest. No one cares if you weigh 5 pounds more or less, only yourself. Heck, other people probably won’t even notice at all. I could diet and battle my way into losing them, obsessing over a number on a scale, and it wouldn’t even end up mattering in the grand scheme of things. I could force my body to run for miles, essentially running myself into the ground, to try to change my physique into a “runner’s body” and get that ridiculously desired thigh gap, but that’s just not my body shape and it never will be.

I know this is a bit of a rambling and unorganized post, but I guess what I’m trying to say is that if I were to only focus on the negatives about myself, it would eventually destroy me.

Yes, I have my insecurities and know that there are times when I have a skewed vision of myself, but I need to remember that the self-doubt is such a small, small part of who I am as a person. I feel like many of us need to open our eyes and focus on the overwhelmingly large amount of positives about ourselves.

We are all beautiful, strong, funny, unique, and so loved for who we are, even if we don’t believe it at times.

I guess to summarize this long post up, I refuse to let my insecurities consume me. Instead, I choose to focus my energy on being good to myself, worshipping my wonderful body and talents, and living life without the shackles of self-doubt. Beauty is a state of mind and I want to radiate my own personal joy and love to those around me. I’m determined to see myself not in the bits and pieces that I dislike, but as a whole and I will not be a victim to the unrealistic expectations of social media. I just won’t.

And I’d love it if you’d joined me with that pledge.

Other Posts of Interest:

Beauty in Every Feature by Miranda

For [Body] Shame by the Fitnessista

Why I Love My Body (And Why You Should Love Yours, Too) by Beth

Lots of love,

Christine